So what is this thing called confidence that I’ve been writing about and I hear so much about? There are of course dictionary definitions of confidence but I have little interest in these. Confidence is personal and I’m interested in what confidence means to individuals.
I hear the word confidence every day. Often it is used to describe what is stopping someone from doing something or what has stopped them in the past. Confidence seems to play a huge part in decisions we make and the opportunities we take, or of course don’t take. Working with clients it seems confidence can mean different things to different people.
It also seems we can hide behind a perceived or real lack of it. Telling yourself “I’ve got no confidence” can become an old habit. A habit which provides a cosy comfort blanket and a way for people to expect less of you, and you of yourself.
Don’t confuse I can’t with I haven’t before. If you haven’t before then it is natural to feel anxious or doubt your ability. Every confident person feels anxious and doubts their ability in new situations.
So, your definition of confidence might include previous experience, as previous experience shows you that you can.
Consider what you have done before or do every day to build up a confident picture of who you are. You are now, allowing yourself to accept the possibility that you are more confident than you thought.
So, do we need to give ourselves permission to feel confident?
Holding negative beliefs about yourself lowers your resilience and ability to cope with the stresses of life. Trying something new or changing your routine can change your view of yourself and what you can do. This involves chucking that cosy comfort blanket away and daring to try. This will boost your confidence.
So, becoming more confident doesn’t just happen. We need to work at it and show some courage?
No-one is confident all the time and it is not a given that being highly confident means you will never have any relationship issues or problems at work. However, if your core belief about yourself is mainly positive your ability to cope with them will be much better.
So, self-confidence is a belief in your capabilities to be able to face whatever life throws at you.
I have come to conclude that what confidence ultimately means to me is that, no matter what, I’ll be ok. Knowing this gives me more comfort than any restricting comfort zone or blanket to hide under.